He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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