I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
