Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
