She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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