Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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