I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
