I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
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We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
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Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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