he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
