the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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