it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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