if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
