and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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