Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
