Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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