Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
