Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
