If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
