Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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