There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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