I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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