Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
