Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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