I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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