i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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