you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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