god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You made out with two different species that night
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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