She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
