I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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