and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
