I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
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I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize