I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
