just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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