I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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