On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
