I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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