Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
