well you can't waste a boner
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
