ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
