im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
