i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
