things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
