Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
