and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
