I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I love having hate sex.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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