He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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