So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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