If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
