I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
