How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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