you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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