he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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