haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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