he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
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