I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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