3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
