either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
