There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
