the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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