So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
