Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
