My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
