1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
