I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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