this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
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I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
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Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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