I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
so much tequila, so little girl.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
