Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I wish they made helmets for livers.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
