What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
