I'm so fucking centered right now
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
