if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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