We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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