how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Randomize
