I can text with my tongue
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
