So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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