We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
