ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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