just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
